Interview With Insanity
by Leopard Guitar
Summary: This is an insane little interview show featuring us, Harry, my dog, and a whole bunch of other people... Do you like goldfish? Do you want to see Sirius strip? [ugh...] Well, we think it's funny.... What more is there to say.


Author: Leopard Guitar

Author: Leopard Guitar

Title:Interview With Insanity

Email: [Fang2fangee@hotmail.com][1]

Reviews:Yes, or we'll hunt you down.... (j/k...maybe...)

Summary:An interveiw between us and random people.Mainly X-files/HP and our pets...Whatever, just read the fucking fic.

L=leopard/emmyG=guitar/coraothers are by name...

Sirius:Hey everybody and welcome to Sirius' Strip Show!!!

L&G: **together** No!!! No stripping!!! Especially from you!Yuckness! **pull straight jacket out of pocket and put it on Sirius, drag him off stage**

Sirius:No! Please!Not Azkaban!!!!

L:No no no!We are taking you back stage, that's all!

Sirius:Ok, no Azkaban!!!I'm too young to die!! Please!!! Can I still strip?

G: **stuffs gag in his mouth**Yes, In the dressing room, I suppose...

Sirius: **through gag** Mrrhfjhfjsdvm mrrrrmmm?

G:No!Keep the door closed!!!!And locked!!!

L:Ok, now that that's over...Let's begin the show!

Audience: Yay!! **applause**

One Lone Person:But I want Sirius to strip!!!

L: **whispers to guards**Find that person and take 'em out!

Ben the Guard:Can I kill them?

L:Yes, but only if its a long and painful death...

**Ben leaves and O.L.P. screams**

G:All right, our first guest for today is Random Person number one!I caught him in the streets hanging out near a pub!Now you know you're too young to drink!!!!What do you have to say for yourself?

**Random Person enters.It's Harry Potter.**

Harry:Um, I'm a wizard...

G: So you're saying wizards are allowed to get drunk at any age?

Harry: um...

L:You could get thrown in jail you know.Or we could dispose of you our own way...

Harry: Is that a threat?

L: Um, yeah, probably...

Harry:You can't kill me!I'm Harry Potter!

G: Sure, sure, that's what they all say!And don't worry, we wouldn't kill you.

Harry: Well, that's a relief...

G:No, we'll just lock you in the dressing room with Sirius...

Harry: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

L: So, on with the interview.What would you like to tell us, Random Person No. 1?

Harry:I'm not a random person!I'm Harry Potter!

G:Um, all right.Everyone!The random person has a name!

Audience: Oooooooh, Ahhhhhhhhhh!

Harry:No, you know!I defeated the Dark Lord!

**silence**

Harry:Come, on, you've got my books on that shelf over there! **points to all four Harry Potter books**

L:Random Person!Stop changing the subject!So we read books, are you illiterate or something?

G:Yeah, how can you prove that you're Harry Potter?

Harry: **gets mad**Of course I'm Harry Potter!Why do you think I wear these geeky glasses or have this ugly hairdo?I've got the fucking scar, for God's sake!

G:Now, Harry, there is absolutely no reason to get mad!We just asked you a simple question.Now answer it politely!

Harry:Are you people insane?

Everyone: Yes.

Harry:I'm going to go pout in my corner now....

L: All right, time for Random Person No. 2!!!

**applause as Fox Mulder walks on stage**

L: **faints**

G:Emmy!!Emmy? **shakes her, shrugs and walks away**

Mulder: Hi!

Audience: Hello! **more clapping**

G: **pulls out wand and shoots red sparks at him** Demon!You killed Emmy! Diiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

Mulder:No wait!She just fainted!I'm not random, either!I came to investigate paranormal activity in this auditorium.And I think I found the source, that stick you're holding...

G:It's a wand, dummy!Now die!!!

Mulder:You can't kill me, I'm wearing my curse-proof vest.**opens shirt and shows audience**

Audience:Ooooooooh!Ahhhhhhhhhh!

G: **pulls out gun** I'll shoot you then!Arg! 

Mulder:I have a bullet-proof vest, too.**pulls off curse-proof vest and reveals a second one**

Audience: Ooooooh!Ahhhhhhhh!

**Emmy [L] wakes up**What do you have under that one?

Mulder: Nothing.**shows bare chest, and Emmy faints again**

A bewildered Scully walks onstage.Scully:Mulder!There you are!I've been looking for you everywhere!

G:All right!That's it!Mully, Sculder!Leve before I kill you both!Grrrrrrrrr!!!! **bite Scully's {or Mully's?} leg**

Scully:Well, let's arrest her and leave...

Ben the BodyGuard:Wait!This is against the rules!No more then one random person at a time!

Scully:I'm not random!I'm Scully, and he's Mulder!

G:**nods at BTBG** Take them away!Shut up Mully!

L: [who is now awake again]It's Scully, Cora!Scully!Noooooo!Wait, Ben, don't take Mulder away!Ahhhhhhhh!

G: **rolls eyes**Ok, let's move to Random Person No. 3 .. Kaiser the Horse Doggie

Kaiser, a huge German Shepherd bounds happily onstage, tongue lolling to one side of his mouth.

L:So, Kaiser, anything you'd like to tell us.

Kaiser: **scrathces ear** Scratch, scratch...

G:Really!That's amazing!Did everyone hear that?

**Audience nods and leans closer to hear more**

L:So, what are your thought on..um.. on...

Kaiser:Arf!Woof!Woof!

Audience:gasp!How profound!

Sirius: [who has somehow escaped his locked dressing room]Yay!A playmate!**turns into big black dog**

Kaiser: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

**Sirius backs away, his tail between his legs**

G: Um, he doesn't like other dogs...

BTBG:Hey, no dogs allowed either! **grabs both by the scruffs of their necks and hurls them out the door**

Sirius: [now in human form] But I'm a man!Not a dog!

L:Huh? Men?Dogs?What's the difference? 

Female Audience:You tell, em sister!Go girl!

Males in Audience:Wait, what?

L: **mutters** Hmm, just proves my point...

G:Ok, Random Person No. 4!Or, five if you count Mully....But maybe three since she doesn't count andKaiser was a dog...**ponders this while L takes mike**

L:Okay, well, come on out!

**Sully Erna [from Godsmack] walks onstage**

Audience: Yay!!

G: **almost faints, then thinks better of it**H-hi!**giggles**

Sully:Hello.**Cora [g] falls over**

L:Wow!And our fourth random person is also our musical guest star for today!Would you like to sing a song for us, Mr. Erna?

Sully:Please, call me Sully.

L:Like Scully!Wow!Scully, Sully, Scully, Sully!Yay!

G: [getting up]No!Mully, Sully, Mully, Sully!**gazes in awe at Sully** Will you sing for us, please? **flutters eyelashes**

**L rolls her eyes**

Sully:Ok, I'll sing Voodoo.**strange drums beat** ' I'm not the one who's so far away, when I feel the snake bite eneter my veins.Never did I wanna--'

L:Yay!Voodoo!But you have to sing the fish song, silly!

Sully:It's Sully, not Silly.What fish song?

Everyone:The Goldfish song!

Sully:What the fuck kind of show is this?

Everyone: An insane show!

Sully:There aren't even any goldfish!

G:Sure there are, we're all eating them **waves wand and goldfish pour down on audience**

Audience: Yay!**applause as they fight for Goldfish**

Sully:All right.I'll feel like an idiot, though.And I better get to eat some!

L:Okay, but first sing, you can't sing with Goldfish in your mouth!

Sully:How do I know you'll give me Goldfish.

L: **points G's gun at his head**

G: Nooooooooooo!!!

Sully: Okay! Um,'I Love the fishes cos they're so delicious, Goin' gold-fishin!I could eat them any day and my Mom says that's okay, Goin' Goldfishin'!'

Everyone:Yay!**cheer, applause**

Sully: [bowing] Thank you, everyone!

L:Well, that's about all for today!Until next time, everyone!

And so, they all walked out of the studio into a rays of golden sunshine and a rain of cheesy goldfish.

Random Person No. 1

Random Person No. 2

[][2]

Scully (Mully)

Random Person/Dog No. 3

Random Person No. 4

   [1]: mailto:Fang2fangee@hotmail.com
   [2]: http://emmyandgemmyxfiles.homestead.com/picturesS.html



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